for now, goodbye

I’ve definitely begun 5 posts to write about this past semester. I want to sum up the experience. I want to explain what it was. Yet I truthfully don’t think I can because I still don’t know what it was.

All I know is that I feel guilty when I buy things and I eat everything I put on my tray in Val. I am more critical of capitalism and my role in it. I can say some of the things I’ve seen and experienced has made me more ready and capable of thinking about my role in the world.

Although I am so happy to be at Amherst to see the 2008 commencement, I wish I wasn’t here. It’s hard not to hear about other people’s experiences abroad, which I think would really help me talk out how the DR has impacted me. Being asked repeatedly, "How was abroad?" doesn't help either. My typical response is "Good." The more and more I say this, the more I feel as if that one word answer actually sums up the last four months. Also, there is definitely a sense of loneliness too. Since I did not share this spring semester with the students here, I feel disconnected from them. I also understand that since I am simply HERE, without being involved in activities like I normally am during school, I feel even more distant from the community. I need to create in order to BE.

For now, I am done with this blog. Maybe I will return to it in a year if I happen to be working/researching/studying abroad. If you’re interested in reading a more personal blog of mine, let me know. I’ll send you a link.

As for now, I am ready to go home to Oakland as I have been ready for the past month. Maybe once I am in a place that feels more like home, I can turn off the “traveler” mentality I have and starting processing my past semester. At the same time, I need to start accepting that even Oakland will feel less like home.