Heartache

Teaching is heavily tied to the heart. I almost want to purge the love from my body.

Today I walked around unable to undo a discomfort in myself, feeling tense and pubescent in my ability to pinpoint my emotions. Only now, as I plan for tomorrow, do I realize why I still feel like vomiting my heart.

It shakes my soul how I worry about my students. Today in particular, I am concerned if they really believe that money is more important than culture. "Without money you can't do ANYTHING," said Monica. Too much the truth, with too little understanding of its meaning. Will they get it by the time I leave them? Will they get what they deserve? Will they understand their human worth? It scares me that the answer is no, no, and no.

This is not cynicism, nor is it a plea. No one will write a book or make a movie. I hope it is simply the beginning of courageous recognition. Tonight, I go to bed with fear. Tomorrow, we face it and learn.